KCMI - Counseling Tools

Understanding God's Plan For Marriage and Sex

MARRIAGE

Marriage is a covenant of companion ship in which a man and wife solemnly promise before God that for the rest of their lives they will provide fellowship designed to eliminate each other's loneliness

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." - Gen. 2:18

Marriage is contractual, a covenant between you, God and yourself.

It must start pure.

A healthy / blessed / solid covenant marriage does not begin with having had a sexual relationship before the marriage.  - That is fornication = SIN !!!

Sexual relations do not make marriage; marriage legitimizes sexual relations.

A marriage involves companionship on all levels (Including the sexual).

Sexuality exist basically to enhance companionship, not to propagate the human race (although that is a duty of marriage as well)

SEX

According to 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, especially vs. 4, The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.  4.  The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.  5.  Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

One's sexuality exists not for himself or even for his own pleasure, but primarily for his partner.  This principle excludes homosexuality, masturbation and lust. This encourages love.

Remember: The opposite of love is lust.

Lust is an inordinate desire to have something for one's self.  Love gives; Lust takes.

Love is best described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, where it surfaces as an active, consuming, giving interest in the other person.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.

Love in the Scripture is commanded.  It is viewed as under the willful control of the individual.  True love is both the major motivation, (Romans 5:5 - And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.) and the ultimate goal of all biblical living 

(1 Timothy 1:5 - The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a Sincere faith).

Love is not feeling first, but giving. Just look at some of the examples found in the scriptures.

John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,  that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life".

Galatians 2:20, I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 

Ephesians 5:25, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26.  to make her holy, cleansing  her by the washing with water through the word,  27.  and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  28.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

When one gives to another whatever he has that the other truly needs, he / she shows love.  Feelings of love grow out of giving.  Love involves the conscious determination to set one's interests on another as God - In grace, apart from anything to commend us to Him - set His love on us

(Romans 5: 5-10, - 6.  You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.  7.  Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die.  8.  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  9.  Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! 10.  For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! )

A good spouse is focused on giving their partner whatever he / she needs that you have. Keeping this principle in mind as the basic truth that each man / woman needs to learn is important. It is proven that in most of all cases involving sexual problems, this principle must be emphasized.

MASTURBATION

On the basis of 1 Corinthians 7:4, The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.

It is clear that sexuality does not exist for one's self, but for his / her marriage partner alone. This excludes masturbation.

1 Corinthians 7 also allows two, and only two, responses to sexual desire.

(Vs. 9.); "it is better to (1) marry than to burn with passion".

Or (2) be self-restraining. ( Vs.8 , Choose to stay single)

Masturbation is not included, it is wrong !!!

Masturbation is a form of selfishness. It is giving in to lust, and is closely related to adultery and fornication, especially when images from other people that your spouse is involved. (See adultery)

FORNICATION

This word ought to be translated "Sexual sin," because throughout the Bible it is used to refer to illicit (unlawful; forbidden) sexual intercourse, including adultery and homosexuality.

( Jude 7.  In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion. They serve as an example of those who suffer the punishment of eternal fire.)

It covers all sexual sin forbidden by the Scriptures.

In modern law sometimes the word is restricted to sexual sin among unmarried persons; this has confused many. In the Bible no such limitations exist.

Sexual relationships by persons not married to one another do not constitute marriage but fornication.  Fornication can be forgiven.

1 Corinthians 6:9-12, .  Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10.  nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11.  And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 12.  "Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything.

1 John 1:9.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

ADULTERY

Adultery is participation in illicit sexual relations by a married person, or with a married person by someone other than his / her spouse, violating the covenant of companionship.

The Bible forbids adultery both of heart and act.

Matthew 5:27-30.  "You have heard that it was said, `Do not commit adultery.'   28.  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  29.  If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.  30.  And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

HOW DO WE OVERCOME THE WRONG

1. Repentance.

Provb. 28:13-14-  He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.  14.  Blessed is the man who always fears the LORD, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.

2. Seek reconciliation with spouse, forgiveness from God, and others involved.

Involvement in pornography, and having sex before the marriage need to be confessed and repented from before we can experience a genuine healing.

3. Total restructuring of life

Phil. 4:8-  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Romans 12:1-2.  Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual  act of worship.  2.  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.

4. Replace bad associations with Godly ones

1 Cor. 15:33.  Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."

Get rid of everything that encourages your downfall in sexual sin.

Make yourself accountable to someone you trust, and has overcome those strongholds him / her self, and is willing to pray it through with you.